We have came so far...

I have to admit, life as a new mom was a strange transition for me. Right before I went on maternity leave, I had the busiest month at work, being 8 months pregnant, I was running around and working OT for a huge audit at work. Although I was exhausted, I have always enjoyed the adrenaline rush of tight deadlines. The adrenaline rush continued after baby Tyler's arrival, hubby and I were learning how to deal with our new roles as parents, and the constant visitors and emails/phone calls from friends kept things very interesting. However, as the weeks go by, things were starting to settle down, and I found myself feeling blue. The adrenaline was gone, the repetitive routine with a newborn, the constant crying (both baby Tyler and me!), the lack of sleep were all starting to get to me. As I sat in his room in the middle of the night trying to rock him to sleep (in one of his many many night awakenings), I often wonder how other people get through this?? Hubby and I were very prepare before our son's arrival, we read many books and asked many parents for advice, we were equipped with all the latest and newest baby gear, but nothing would ever prepare us for this.

I knew... I would have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby..but I didn't expect to have to wake up every 1.5 hr and feed him for 40 min each time

I knew..babies cry...but I didn't expect he would cry from 4pm to 9pm every evening unless hubby and I take turns holding/rocking/singing to him

I knew..babies eat often...but I didn't expect to be chain to the sofa to feed him every hr for 40 min; by the time he was done, it was starting all over again

But the physical hardship and lack of sleep were nothing compared to the strong guilt I had inside me. After all, I was always the "mother - type", I have always loved kids, and begged my hubby to start a family the moment we got married (actually, I think I started the campaign the moment we got engaged)!

As I look at my baby, I wonder how can something so small and sweet make me feel so defeated?

Every day I would wake up and start counting down to the time my hubby comes home, some days I would even hold my crying baby by the front door, so that I can hand him off to my hubby the moment he steps foot into the door. I would spend days strolling in the mall aimlessly just so I can get the baby to sleep in his car seat, although he was always with me, I just fell really lonely at home. Things were starting to finally turn around at around 3 months, it was a combination of Tyler getting more responsive, sleeping better at night and my increasing confidence as a mom. One night as I sat in bed with hubby recapping our day, I told him: "I think we should keep Tyler (we have always joked that we should give him away to Brad and Angelina), I am starting to fall in love with him!" I can't believe it took me 3 months to feel comfortable as a mom and be connected to my baby.

Nowadays, life is totally different! Baby Tyler is a little bundle of joy at 6 months, all of our breastfeeding problems are behind us, he is still nursing, but LOVES to eat solids. He still likes to cry and annoy his mommy from time to time, but he loves to smile, giggle and cuddle just as much. Although I still look forward to my hubby's return every day, life with this little monster is getting easier to handle. He goes sleep early which gives hubby and I time alone to enjoy our evenings, and on some nights, he even let me get a solid 8 hrs of sleep (crap, I just jinxed myself, I'm sure he is going to wake up now!!) I know it will be months or even years (or never) before I feel 100% confident in motherhood, but I've learned not to obsess about doing things right, but just to enjoy and cherish the journey! I wouldn't have done it without my strong supportive system, my dear hubby, my parents, my sister (who always keep me positive), my cousin Clara (who is the definition of a super mom!) and my dear girlfriends (Adrienne - mat leave would not be the same without you, Lisa - who always makes me laugh), thank you and I love you all!!! XOXO

First trip away from home..

Hubby and I love to travel, and have been fortunate to be able to take frequent trips in the past, but with baby Tyler's arrival, we knew our traveling days were numbered. Since there are not many outdoor activities to do in winter, we have been staying home a lot and starting to feel a bit cabin fever. So when we heard that our cousins are planning a weekend getaway at Blue Mountain, we jumped at the opportunity!!

My sister and her boyfriend found this awesome chalet in Wasaga beach which accommodate all 13 of us (10 adults, 2 girls and baby Tyler!).

I started thinking about what to pack for the baby weeks before the trip, I'm generally not a heavy packer, but with the baby, I know it is going to be difficult. I started packing all the necessities, such as diapers, formulas, solid food, clothes, etc, which took up a lot of space, but it didn't end there! Since this was our first trip away from home with Tyler, we had to make sure we pack all the items he is familiar with. We had to pack his playpen, his usual PJs, his white noise machine, etc! Although we had to pack so much for the little guy, it was so worth it, he was such a good boy during the whole weekend and slept really well in his playpen!

We spent the first afternoon/night at the chalet, cooking and chilling with the gang, baby Tyler went to bed at his usual bedtime (8pm), we were so surprised! The next day, we bundled baby Tyler up in his snowsuit and walked around the village at Blue Mountain and even enjoyed my favorite Beavertail!! We learned that baby T loves the outdoor, he was super tired but was in good spirit when we walked in the snow and explored the village.
We know that traveling will never be the same with a baby, but after this, we know that with some extra planning, it can be done, and we can't wait to plan our next adventure...

Many "firsts"

This past week had been very eventful for us, and many "firsts" for baby Tyler.

1) We went to his first baby and mommy class - Babies in Playland, he really enjoyed himself exploring/playing with the toys and meeting other babies.

2) We started him on rice cereal!! I have been dreaming about feeding him solids from the day he was born (I had so much trouble breastfeeding in the beginning and looked forward to feeding him solids, I can't believe we are here already!) Tyler is slowly learning how to take his first bite, and seem to really enjoy eating (or making a mess!)

3) It was his first Chinese New Year, with tons of family dinners and of course, the best part - collecting red pocket money!!

4) This year, Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year fell on the same day. My dear hubby and baby disappeared when I was still in bed this morning, turns out my two favorite valentines decided to surprise me with flowers and a few extra hours of sleep! Although Valentine's Day with a newborn no longer consist of fancy dinners and expensive gifts, t but can honestly say this was the BEST valentine's day ever, my hubby has outdone himself again!

A collaboration...

My mom taught me how to knit at a very young age, but the only thing I ever knew how to knit was scarfs! I decided to pick up knitting again during my pregnancy, this time around, I ventured into hats, booties and even sweaters. I managed to have a few pieces completed before Tyler's arrival, but didn't get a chance to pick up my needles again until last month!

My first completed project since having Tyler is this Baby Hoodie, actually, it is a collaboration with my mom.I started the front and the back but had no idea how to complete the piece, I got the pattern from Ravelry (The best online knitting pattern resource), but some of the instruction wasn't clear, but as a master knitter, my mom figured it out! I am sure Tyler will only get to wear it a few times before growing out of it, nonetheless, it was fun knitting this with my mom's help!!

Here is a picture of my little man with his new sweater!!